t’s a fact now well known (see: Halloween) that literally any semi-recognizable set of garments can be sexed up—beyond all possible reason—as a costume for a woman.
The past decade has brought us ensemble esoterica that would surely make future generations scratch their heads, if it weren’t destined to spend eternity in landfills. From porny babies to sexy Ninja Turtles to scantily clad Supreme Court justices, slices of pizza, ears of corn, for fuck’s sake — if you build it, it appears they will come.
All this could really make you nostalgic for the golden days of sexy themed attire, the kind that at least made a little bit of sense. Whatever happened to a good old sexy teacher or nurse? Maybe a cop with super snug pants, or a French maid with a stubbornly low-cut bodice?
The type of costumes that were playful, naughty variations on everyday real ladies you might actually see, or at least sexy riffs on mens’ uniforms or known characters (sexy mail lady, anyone?).
This season, we’re celebrating perhaps the best among these:
Sexy Santa, an old standard, a reliable workhorse, and the perfect post-Halloween palate cleanser.
She has no definitive history — it seems fair to assume that she was the eggnog-induced fancy of some yuletide yokel of yore. But she has been around a long time.
According to Elle, Sexy Santa has been a pinup staple for almost a hundred years. Joan Crawford, who posed by a chimney in 1926, may have been among the first celebs to don Santa’s gay apparel, and many have since followed in her bootsteps.
This longstanding T&A tradition was consecrated by Hugh Hefner when Playboy started running holiday covers and, ahem, spreads, beginning in 1955.
The first Christmas bunny was Bettie Page, who was pictured hanging balls on an artificial tree in the nude, as women are sometimes apt to do.
The December issue became a Christmas staple in many American households. And considering that the magazine’s circulation peaked at over 5 million in the 1970s, it’s fairly safe to say that Playboy was instrumental in cementing the Sexy Santa trope.
Of course, it’s not altogether clear exactly what Sexy Santa is supposed to be. A hot version of Santa himself? Mrs. Claus? Santa’s daughter? A randy Reindeer wrangler? A fluffer?
Also, there are the practicalities of miniskirts at the North Pole, which no one (aside from Sexy Santa herself, no doubt) seems to care about.
Sadly, today the greatest number of sexy St. Nicks outside of strip clubs can be seen these days barfing into trash cans following that most reviled of December “holidays,” SantaCon.
But no matter. It’s safe to say that through the ages, sexy Santa, in her bright red mini-dress ringed by invitingly cozy white fur, brings tidings of comfort and joy.